


A Tale Sure to Make You Smile (Sunshine Almost Always)

by newyorktopaloalto



Series: Derry's Premier Murder/Turtle Cult [6]
Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Chatlogs, Crack Treated Seriously, Every IT canon wrapped into one fic, F/M, Humor, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Texting, Twitter, heavy formatting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22460017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyorktopaloalto/pseuds/newyorktopaloalto
Summary: [21:27] EddieNo one actually ever leaves the Losers Club. :)[21:29] BenMaybe we really are a cult.[21:36] MikeLike.[Can be read as a stand-alone]
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Audra Phillips, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Series: Derry's Premier Murder/Turtle Cult [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1522892
Comments: 18
Kudos: 228





	A Tale Sure to Make You Smile (Sunshine Almost Always)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own IT. Title from John Denver's 'Sunshine On My Shoulders'. 
> 
> Bringing y'all back to the basics with me - 'classic' turtle cult, if you will.

**TMZ ✓ @TMZ** Bill Denbrough’s ( _@billdenbrough58_ ) newest movie will star actress _@audraaaden_ and comedian _@thefakerichietozier_ CONFIRMED. http://bit.ly/5gj71q

**Richie ‘Trash Raccoon’ Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier** surprise, bitches!!!

**viscera horror @notrebecca** idk if richie tozier can pull it off. Anyone seen him act?

**who killed laura? @snohomishjen** RICHIE TOZIER IN A MOVIE THE GIF OPPORTUNITIES I AM DEAD FUCK send help 

**the lone gay-ger @drkensington** _@notrebecca_ he acted straight for like 40 yrs so...  


> **@thefakerichietozier @pattystweeter & 382 other users liked this tweet**

  
**Horror Depot @horrorvidsnnews** Bill Denbrough: Prolific Visionary or Prolific Hack? How the Horror Genre Has Changed and How Its Creators Have Responded http://horrordepot.com/editorial/archive/Nh7hj_8uH4f

 **Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman** _@horrorvidsnnews_ tl;dr--definitely a hack. 

**da bo dee da bo di @andorianblue** _@stantheman_ will u be my dad?

**prostitution 💄 whore @stealingkimshouse** _@billdenbrough58_ might be a hack, but anything that gives _@audraaaden_ more screentime is good w/ me 

**Ben Hanscom 🏠 ✓ @benhanscomdesign** Weren’t you verified, _@stantheman_?

**Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman** _@benhanscomdesign_ No.

* * *

  
**Ben**  
But you were actually verified at some point, right? 

**Stan**  
They let you unverify yourself if your only claim to fame is knowing famous people. 

**Ben**  
So you just bitched at them until they relented? 

**Stan**  
It took a lot less work than I thought it would.  
Honestly? Rather disappointing. 

**Ben**  
I always knew you were secretly spoiling for a fight. 

**Stan**  
[...]  
[Read at 18:43]

### 

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[21:12] Bill** Shoutout to every teacher who put up with us in school.

 **[21:13] Bill** I have come to the conclusion that I actually hate children. 

**[21:14] Stan** I told you not to do it. 

**[21:15] Ben** Workshop not go well? 

**[21:15] Richie** kids who are into horror are fucking creepy. 

**[21:16] Eddie** Richie: ‘Creepy kids’ 

**[21:17] Eddie** And then he did a weird, full-body shudder. 

**[21:18] Bill** Okay, but, conversely: he’s right. 

**[21:19] Bev** WHat happened? 

**[21:20] Bill** I was part of an ‘aspiring writers’ workshop. 

**[21:20] Bill** Never again. 

**[21:21] Stan** I told you, bro. 

**[21:21] Bill** ‘Bro’?

**[21:22] Patty** I’m divorcing you. 

**[21:23] Richie** are you Eddie? ‘bro’ - jesus christ. 

**[21:23] Bill** Did I really just get ‘bro’-ed by Stanley Uris? 

**[21:24] Mike** Did we time-warp back to the nineties? 

**[21:25] Stan** I will leave this chat. 

**[21:25] Bev** Already did it--you came back. 

**[21:26] Patty** They always come back. 

**[21:27] Eddie** No one actually ever leaves the Losers Club. :) 

**[21:29] Ben** Maybe we really are a cult. 

**[21:36] Mike** Like.

* * *

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[15:36] Stan** Hey, so guess who got randomly stopped on the street by an old man and got told that avoiding fate is a magical thing and the opportunity shouldn’t be squandered????

 **[15:37] Stan** The answer is me and the other answer is ‘what the fuck?’. 

**[16:51] Richie** i mixed acid with coke one time and the same thing happened to me. 

**[16:52] Richie** staniel, do you have something to share with the class? 

**[16:54] Stan** Beep, fucking, beep--I’m being serious. 

**[16:55] Richie** so am I - old fucker found me vomiting my guts out in an alley back in ‘05. 

**[17:14] Bev** Same thing happened to me too. 

**[17:16] Richie** [twilightzoneintro.mp3] 

**[17:39] Audra** can nothing be normal with you guys? 

**[17:40] Audra** i s2g that everything’s a fuckign production with you lot

**[17:41] Bill** ‘[F]uckign’. 

**[17:41] Mike** ‘fuckgin’ 

**[17:42] Eddie** Yeah, fuck gin--vodka’s better anyways. 

**[17:43] Audra** sending this to scientists to support my theory of social media perpetuating human devolution

**Audra took a screenshot**

**[17:44] Bill** Fuckign drama queen.

 **[17:45] Bill** Stop blocking me on social media. 

**[17:45] Bill** Coward. 

**[17:48] Patty** So we’re all just going to ignore the continued supernatural events surrounding the seven of you, and by sheer proximity, Audra and I? 

**[17:49] Stan** It worked for 27 years before. 

**[17:50] Mike** And unlikely it’s malevolent. 

**[17:51] Patty** Perfect. AMazing. 

**[17:51] Patty** Just what I wanted to hear. 

**[17:53] Richie** welcome to our lives, baby. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

**[17:54] Audra** patty, the reaction you’re looking for is ‘OTL’ 

**[17:54] Patty** OTL 

**[17:55] Stan** Don’t CORRUPT MY WIFE.

**[17:56] Richie** interesting how everything is capitalized except for the ‘don’t’. ( ｰ̀εｰ́ )

**[17:57] Bev** Someone tell richie that it isn’t 2007 

**[17:58] Eddie** Hey, Rich?

**[17:59] Richie** ( ・◇・)？

**[18:00] Eddie** (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

**[18:01] Bev** Betrayal. 

**[18:01] Eddie** shrug emoji 

**[18:02] Bev** ¿¿¿Bitch???

* * *

  
**Bev**  
I am going to actually murder your boyfriend. 

**Richie**  
This is an automated text message. Richie is currently being railed by Eddie and cannot get to the phone. 

**Bev**  
I am going to murder the both of you. 

**Bev**  
But not before telling him EVERYTHING you have planned.  
Don’t test me, tozier. 

**Richie**  
what’d I even do to you, Beverly? 

**Bev**  
Nothing richie.

**Bev**  
But that’s what you’re good at, isn’t it?

**Richie**  
Bev, are you ok???

**Bev**  
Just ask him already i am getting sick of the secrecy. 

**Richie**  
=͟͟͞͞ =͟͟͞͞ ﾍ( ´Д`)ﾉ

### 

**I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon** A chat platform where every person has a different color or symbol so it’s easy to see who’s talking at any moment in time. 

**I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon** Also: program to make intentional typos. ‘She-eet,’ ‘hawt,’ ‘totes mcgotes,’ &c.. 

**Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden** go to sleep _@mikehanlon_

**keepin’ it weird @thejersiestdevil** every few years someone just fucking reinvents homestuck _@leslienoooope @lizzieliz @emilyyyp_

**Jonathan Carnahan @leveleightmate** I DMed you _@mikehanlon_. Am a programmer and can help you make this happen. 

**Richie ‘Trash Raccoon’ Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier** it’s called bit chat, _@mikehanlon_ and you’re about a decade too late for its popularity.

* * *

**Ben Hanscom 🏠 ✓ @benhanscomdesign** Sometimes life just gives you exactly what you need. #NKOTB #firstsongontheradio  


> **@NKOTB @marshfashions & 13,481 other users liked this tweet**

  
**Bill Denbrough ✓ @billdenbrough58** Actual reaction of _@benhanscomdesign_ after _@NKOTB_ liked his tweet [quirrellfainting.gif]

 **spit-marking material @lily7porter** proof that ben hanscom is not as perfect as twitter thinks he is [http://twitter.com/be…]

**Linda Evangelista @fireataseaparks** hard disagree _@lily7porter_ because the bad taste in music makes him even better imho 

**capital r Romantic @foggedpanes** okay, so i looked up this #BenHanscom guy and he’s just an architect? Married to a Michael Costello level designer? Why is twitter so abuzz? #iamconfusion

* * *

**Bill Denbrough ✓ @billdenbrough58** “Len turned the corner, the ‘hello?’ caught in her throat as the impenetrable darkness swallowed down the hallway leading down to her in its voracious maw.” 

**🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101** idk how i feel about this _@billdenbrough58_. seems ~spooky~ 

**🗡🗡🗡 @nightbreed86540** maybe if you werent a bandwagoner _@tozierfan10101_ youd appreciate the absolute genius of #BillDenbrough  


> **@tozierfan10101 replied to @nightbreed86540**  
> 
>
>> okay go off i guess

* * *

**Patricia @pattystweeter** Purely theoretical neighborhood gossip: people can see you going through mailboxes and then bringing up found contents at weekly book group. It’s fairly blatant, actually. 

**MaryLynn Wilkenson @gtechmary03** omg _@pattystweeter_ purely hypothetically, i know just who you’re talking about and she is CHOOSING to say not-so-nice things. 

**not that lee majors @leemajors1994** is this,,,how suburban southern ladies use twitter normally _@pattystweeter_? because if so sign me the fuck up. 

**Jolene Beth Tuney @jobethtunes** _@gtechmary03 @pattystweeter_ **[Sorry, it looks like this tweet has been deleted]**

**l o v e l y b o n e s @littlecreepiesheebiejeebies** but what did it say _@pattystweeter @gtechmary03_????  


> **437 users liked this tweet**

* * *

**Eddie Kaspbrak ✓ @eddiek** As a genre, horror is probably the most overrated of them all. 

**lisa 👽 @agentlisascully** my main man _@eddiek_ be dropping truth bombs without any context just after his bf got cast in a horror movie. #gayicon #thatbitch

**Bill Denbrough ✓ @billdenbrough58** _@eddiek_ and I are no longer best friends. I am now best friends with _@thefakerichietozier_ who was also part of this undeserved attack against our very characters. 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier** i don’t even really like horror _@agentlisascully_ but it paid bank, so… ╮(─▽─)╭

**Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden** better go and eat some worms _@billdenbrough58_

* * *

**Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman** ‘Do you want to go to Bali with us next week?’ my friends ask. ‘No,’ I reply, ‘because I actually have a real job.’ 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier** if it makes you feel any better _@stantheman_ i wasn’t even invited. 

**Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman** It doesn’t, _@thefakerichietozier_. But good.

* * *

**Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden** Day six on set w/ _@thefakerichietozier_. Here’s a behind-the-scenes pic of us [audranrichie.jpg]! 

**Kathleen Wallace Wildermen @limabeanskathleen** Oh no, I think I know what novel this is based on. RIP in peace _@thefakerichietozier_. (And more importantly: can’t wait to see how _@audraaaden_ pulls this performance off!) 

**highway to purgatory @3001whales** seems less like ‘the midnight silence’ _@limabeanskathleen_ and more like ‘the rest in ashes’. 

**Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden** The movie is obviously another remake of ‘Quiet is Its Misery’ and _@billdenbrough58_ is accepting no constructive criticism about this decision.

* * *

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier** get you a man who can look like this after working on your mid-life crisis car. _@eddiek_ [eddie291.png]

> **32,961 users liked this tweet**

  
**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier** also, my manager wants me to let you all know that I am going to be hosting SNL next month - so stay tuned!

> **16,580 users liked this tweet**

  
**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier** we now know what the people really want. [eddie292.png] [eddie67.png] [eddie5.png]

* * *

**Beverly Marsh ✓ @marshfashions** Time to start designing wedding dresses! _@marshfashionsofficial_ is including a line of suits this season as well - because everyone deserves a stunning look on their wedding day.

> **@benhanscomdesign @eddiek @trisharobbins & 21,757 other users liked this tweet**

  
**CFDA bitch @wintoursmentee** What’s the line title this season _@marshfashions_?

 **Beverly Marsh ✓ @marshfashions** The running title for this season is ‘Summer Wanderings and Childhood Musings’. Thank you for the lovely question _@wintoursmentee_.

* * *

  
**Richie**  
You conniving bitch. 

**Bev**  
＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

**Author's Note:**

> xoxo


End file.
